I Keep My Confidence in a Tiny, Tattered Box

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I never realized how self-destructive I am. It’s never intentional, but I have an excuse for absolutely every compliment someone throws my way. I’m that girl who answers a professor’s question with a half-raised hand and tiny voice even though I know my answer’s right. I’m that girl that says, “I’m so dumb” every time I make even a little mistake, laughing the statement off as if it’s a fact everyone should know by now. They’re little things, but they’ve taken a toll on me. I didn’t realize how much of a problem these mildly destructive statements were until last week when I was asking for interview advice from my adviser. Her number one tip for me specifically?

Don’t self-deprecate.

After 21 years of shoving my confidence into a tiny, tattered box to hide it from the world, I’m supposed to be proud of my positive traits? My interview with my dream job is a week from today. I have less than 7 days to completely change my attitude. Talk about a daunting task…

I spent today beating myself up about the quality of my blog, my schoolwork, and my personal writing. I don’t put enough thought or time into any of it. I never feel as if I have enough thought or time. I was struggling to figure out what to write for my Tuesday blog post when I had a (brilliant) thought. Why not practice positivity? So this week, my blog might not be the high quality stories I want to tell. But I am going to address a problem that has kept me wandering for ages. My goal is to post something positive about myself every day leading up to my interview to get my head in the zone. If I don’t post everyday, then that’s fine. I’m absolutely human. I won’t beat myself up. But if I don’t get into the swing of things now, I may have too much baggage to deal with later.

So here it goes…

I am a hard-worker. I work my butt off almost every day of the week. I am a student ambassador, section leader in my church choir, Supplemental Instruction Leader, and social committee chair for my sorority. I’m an active member of Alpha Chi and Sigma Tau Delta. I act in plays because it’s fun even if it sometimes takes up 18 hours or more of my week. I’ve had only one B in my entire college career. I turn my schoolwork in on time. I plan huge sorority events. I plan Taco Bell escapades. I volunteer my weekends to tour prospective students.  Last semester, I worked three jobs, had 8:00 AM classes every morning, and was never late to anything. I am a very hard-worker.

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6 responses »

  1. You write beautifully. You should be proud of your courage to write the truth as you see it. You will do great. That’s your job your interviewing for. You can ans you will have what you dream of. You’ve got this! Keep up the hard graft it will be worth it. Best, L xox

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      • Your doing a good job. I’m glad it did. My mission today was to make someone smile, so thank you for letting me do that. And if you feel stuck just get in touch. I’d be happy to help from an outsiders pov. Happy blogging hun xx

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      • I tend to get stuck in my head, especially when I’m writing, and that’s always discouraging. Thank you for your words of encouragement. Have a great day.

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  2. Pingback: Hobo Sweaters, Little Black Dresses, and Unicorns | Wandering But Not Quite Lost

  3. You are a kind and loyal friend, a brilliant actress, and you’re just so incredibly creative and talented. 🙂

    I have the same problem, I inslut myself every day. This is just what I do, so it probably won’t work for everyone, but when I’m told to not self-deprecate, I just “forget” my negative traits; I shove them out of my mind momentarily, and focus on all of my accomplishments, which works because I forget things all the time XD

    So, like, just don’t even think about what you might consider negative, especially since the negatives you say about yourself just aren’t true; just focus on something and keep the negatives completely out of mind ^_^

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