Something you always think “what if…” about.
Life is full of “what-ifs.” It’s not exactly helpful to dwell on them, but every once in a while, a “what-if” likes to poke its head into my day. They range from morbid (What if I had to take care of my family all by myself?) to humorous (What if I grew wings and flew off right now?). I’m not sure there is one that I think about quite often, but as a worrier, a lot of my negative “what ifs” have a common theme: money.
What if I had chosen a different school?
In hindsight, I wished I tried harder to get scholarship money. I wish I had worked harder on my ACT and SAT. I wish I could have been a bit smarter, so I could have gotten more money. I’m terrified of the loans I’m going to have to pay back. But the thing is, I worked my butt off. I came out of my high school with a 4.2 GPA, lots of AP courses, volunteer activities, and extracurricular activities. I took my ACT several times and couldn’t get higher than a 28. I kept telling myself that I would be fine if I got a 30, but I just couldn’t do it. I still got accepted to a highly ranked school. I got a nice scholarship, but I still had to take loans. Part of me says I should have gone to community college or a state school, but I needed to get out of my hometown. I love my college. I love what it has given me, but the future terrifies me.
What if I can’t find a job?
I will have a degree in English and Japanese Studies. I want to teach English overseas. I want to learn more languages. I want to do translation work. I want to do editing work. But what happens if I can’t find a job. What happens if my degree is useless? What happens if I can’t get hired as a teacher?
The future is a scary thing. I’m so unsure of where I’m going to be in a few years. I know I’m willing to work hard to survive, but I don’t know if I’ll be barely hanging on or not.