Confessions of an Addict

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I have no idea what's around the corner.

I have no idea what’s around the corner.

I knew it was a problem before, but now I can see just how big it is.

Keeping up with a blog is harder than I thought it would be. I’ve been told about the “Three S’s of College Life” which include: studying, sleeping, and socializing. You only get to choose two apparently. However I’ve somehow managed to balance the three. I usually sleep for 7-8 hours on most nights and finish all of my homework on time. Last semester, I worked three part time jobs as well and performed in a school play which took up three hours of the day for six days a week on most weeks. I still found time to have lunch or dinner with my friends or just hang out and play video games on the weekend. Was I busy? Oh yeah. But I made it work.

You see, I have a fourth element in my life that gets neglected most of the time instead of the Three S’s. I call it “Kat Time.” It’s the time I spend reading a book, praying, or writing. It’s where I get to sit alone in my room and reflect on my day. It’s the ten minutes I take to give myself a facial, attempt to paint my nails (which never works out by the way), or pick out my outfit for Fancy Friday. Usually, as the school year wears on, I can study, socialize, and sleep, but my “me” time dwindles down to the ten minute warm shower I get at the end of the day, sometimes at 2AM. I savor those ten minutes in the hot water.

As midterms approached at Akita International University, I found myself lusting for more “me” time. At the end of the day, I was tired of learning and socializing. I loved sleeping, but at the same time, my shower at the end of the day wasn’t enough. Up until this point, reading, writing, and blogging had been my “me” time. So what changed last week?

My roommate got Wi-Fi in our room. Suddenly, I could use the internet for whatever I wanted in the privacy of my room and not the library where I feared my peers would judge my unproductivity. Yes. You’ve probably guessed it. I spent my free time last week watching Let’s Plays of horror RPGs. How did this happen? Simple. YouTube is a trap, but I crave it. I want it to suck me into its mindlessness. The oddest thing about this kind of “me” time is that I rarely feel fulfilled by it. It’s more of an addiction that I turn back to time and time again. I tell myself, “One more video clip, then you’re done. Just one more.” I suddenly need to do something mindless rather than productive. And the more mindlessness I subject myself to, the less productive I become. I spend my day daydreaming over what I could write instead of writing.

I could blame the internet all day for my lack of willpower; I felt the most productive at the beginning of my stay in Japan, when I didn’t know how to use the Wi-Fi. I read 5-6 books during my two weeks. I started writing again for the first time since college started. I started this blog. I finished all of my homework early.

But blaming the internet doesn’t help me grow. Plenty of people in the world create masterpieces and keep up with life without falling prey to the black hole that is YouTube.

I suppose this is a length apology of sorts for the few followers I have. I know people were expecting a story instead of a revelation. I promise I have lots to tell, and I plan on posting far more often. Rest assured, I hope to turn “Kat Time” into a time where I can proudly declare that I’ve been productive in my personal goals as well as my scholastic goals.

Recognizing it as a problem is the first step to conquering the addiction.

(As a minor note, I found a 30 Day Writing Challenge which I plan on challenging myself to do to. I think this should help me get into the swing of really blogging.)

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One response »

  1. I’ve fallen down the youtube hole before too, and I can tell you it will get easier as you start realizing how easy it is to waste time (like you’ve done), but it also helps if you kind of become a bit more judgemental with the content you watch,. Trying to set a schedule for youtube time doesn’t really work as it is built on a system of trying to get you to waste your time on it, but budgeting time will help a bit. ALso don’t be like me and leave multiple tabs of videos open that really does not help.

    Like

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